A Rebutall

I’m a slow thinker.  I believe that most people form opinions first and then figure out why they think that way or try and find facts to back up their opinions second.  (I heard that argument on a pod case a few weeks ago, but at least for me it’s true, at least part of the time).  I believe it is human nature to ‘go with our gut’ reaction and figure out why later.  That’s why we say “I agree with that cuz I fell the same way,” more often than “I fell the same way so I agree with that”.   We form opinions first and figure out why we have those opinions second.  But for me it can take a very LONG time between the formation of my opinion and me figuring why it is I feel that way.  And usually between points A and points B I try and keep my opinion to myself.  And maybe it’s just that I can’t articulate why it is I think that way.  I remember one time in collage we studied this particular case study for MONTHS, and I felt like pretty much everyone in the class was persuaded to one side of the fence.  Except for me.  But I couldn’t figure out why or articulated it until years later, not until after I finished collage in fact.   (Sometimes I wish I had a time machine to go back to some of those classes and be able to voice my opinion.)  And so I have concluded that I’m a slow thinker.  I also like to think that it’s because I’m so darn smart but that’s an arguable point.  However I have also found that the longer it takes for me to understand why I think or feel the way I do it is much hard to be persuaded me away from those views.  I guess I have the time to go through the arguments.  All of that really has nothing to do with the point of this blog, its just that I've recently come to accept this point about myself and so decided to share it.  

Someone had posted this article on Facebook weeks ago.  I read it and almost immediately disagreed with it but didn’t really understand why.  Lots of people left comments on Facebook full of praise and complete agreement, I've also see it in other blogs.   I didn't comment.  But it bothered me.  Why did everyone else agree and I didn’t?  So it rolled around in my brain for weeks until I finally came to understand why I disagreed with it, and here is the reason why.   

If you haven’t read the article take a minute to do so: but if you don’t here is my bias summary of it.  Basically she hates it when people tell her to enjoy being a mom when her kids are little because they grow up so fast.  She thinks parenting is hard and one should not be expected to enjoy every single minute of a hard job.  

 First I agree parenting IS hard.  But let’s take that for granted.  Of course it’s hard who ever said it wasn’t, was either a bad one, didn’t have any kids, or was straight up lying.  So let's all assume for the moment that we all know it’s hard.   Therefore I think she is missing the point.  If parenting young kids is hard what about when they get older?  Things change but that doesn’t mean it gets any easier!  In fact I’m planning on it getting harder.  Okay maybe going on a date, or getting my hair done will be easier when I don’t have to constantly wonder who’s going to have the kids, but all in all I think the stuff parents of teenagers have to put up with is far more worrisome.  The point that all those well meaning grandmothers was trying to make is:  Don’t Wish Your Kids Big! 

Everyone (including me) is guilty of it.  “When the kids are bigger then we will….”,  “As soon as the kids are all in school I will…..”, “It will be so much nicer when….”,  “We’ll take that trip to ___when ____.”   Everyone does this not just moms.   “When I get married…”  “I can’t wait until…”  “I’ll be happy when…” 

“Enjoy them while they are little” doesn’t mean you have to be giddy all the time, and it doesn't mean you shouldn't have good days and bad days, or get frustrated and annoyed at your kids.  But it does mean don't wish all those crappy times away either.  There will never be a time in life without crappy days.      

I remember before I had kids, I wanted so much to be a parent.  And now there are times when I miss the days before I was a parent.  We wanted nothing more than to have kids,so much so it hurt sometimes to think about it.  But I tried as hard as I could to enjoy my time with Kent before the kids.  We took trips, lots of them, we saw Japan, we lived in Alaska, we traveled, we enjoyed our careers, we played games, and we slept till 10 on Saturdays.  (And we could have sex whenever we wanted).  All the while wishing and waiting for the time when we could tell “fun” parenting stories.  Now when the kids won’t go to bed and we have to change our plans, and one of them pees all over the carpet and constantly wake us up in the middle of the night we think wasn’t it nice when…, and remember when we could sleep until 10 on Saturdays?  

The point is to enjoy life at whatever stage you are at.  

And maybe part of this is because I really DO enjoy my kids being little, even when they frustrate the crap out of me.  Okay I’ll be honest the enjoying comes after I’ve gotten over the frustration; but I do acknowledge that maddening frustration occurs.  Everything in life has ups and downs.  And most of the time, even with all the frustration in the world, I wouldn’t trade a day with my two kids.  This not to say we don’t need breaks of course we do; remember it’s hard.  But then again so is life, with or without being a parent.  But I love watching them learn and grown.  All of the excitement and enthusiasm that a two year old has for just about everything amazes me every day.  Who else do you know that is so excited to see what life has to offer that they literally run from room to room?  And so I remind myself everyday to enjoy them at this stage, and when they get to the next stage enjoy them then too.  My friend use to laugh at me cuz I would always say about her baby “oh that was my favorite stage”.  I guess they are all my favorites.

 

Moms don't have anything special to brag about just because being a mom is hard.  Life is hard.  If anything raising kids makes life better and for that I'm grateful.  Yes grocery shopping is another form of Hell with two kids in tow, but I rather put up with that than break up with a boyfriend, or watch a loved one go through a terrible sickness, or lose my job.  

All that being said I did kind of like her idea of Kairos time.  Like the other day when I had to pick up a sleeping Big M to move her from our bed back to her own and I suddenly saw just how much she had grown and changed in the last 5 years it was like her whole life flashed before my eyes in a split second and I was positively and completely memorized and amazed by it.  

Okay well that’s it.  That’s my rebuttal.  It far too late to post it to Facebook (too long too)  whoever posted it in the first place has probably already forgotten what the article said in the first place, but to the few who read this there you are.  And maybe I’m just a rambling fool here.  What is your opinion?  Did I miss the point of the article?