New Year's Resolution 2012 Edition

WHAT you can't write your new year's resolutions it's not even January, it's Novemeber.  You're supposse to write a blog about how thankful you are for blah blah blah.  Yea Yea yea whatever...

So in recent years I've blog my New Year's Resolutions and they've usually been vague, and mushy.  Not this year.  This year I'm getting specific and I'm starting early.  See its only November. 

Goal #1:  Finish an unfinished project

               We all have them.  That project that you'll get around to one-day.  Well this year I
               will have at least one one-day.  Possible projects include:  the kids baby books, the quilt from
              Alaska from 2004, or the box of T-Shirts I've been saying "I'll make a quilt out of those one-day"
              for the last 11 years. 

Goal #2:  Learn something new

              I really want this new something to be bold, like learning to play the piano or how to change the oil
              in my car, or taking a continuing education class.  But in reality there is WAY too much going on in
              my life for something THAT ambitious.  So learning to make a pumpkin pie from scratch or how to
              bind a quilt by hand will be acceptable outcomes.  

Goal #3:  Try something new

               New food, new recipe, new activity, maybe I'll try hunting next year.  This one should be easy I
               like to try new things.  

St George

My next week off my mom, sister, daughter and I took a trip to St George to see Little Mermaid.  We drove down on Thursday and the play was Friday night.  Friday day mom and my sister wanted to go for a hike in snow canyon.  Melissa just wanted to play in the pool.  I talked mom and sister into to smaller kid friendly hikes enstead of longer one that they would have enjoyed more.  My favorite part of the trip was when Melissa was talking to her dad on the phone and said:

"I don't want to go hiking, THEY want to go hiking.  I hate hiking.  Hiking is boring."

See what a terrible time she had. 

She thought playing in the sand dunes was AWESOME

 

After snow canyon we did play in the pool.  The play was really neat.  Melissa was exhausted after playing all day,  but she still enjoyed it.  

 

After the play I got to met up with the Bushtits in a met in the middle quick birding trip.  Due to a series of serendipitous events, we ended up with a hotel room and a rental car.  Hopefully it doesn't go to our heads for future trips, or I might start thinking we are getting old.  The birding was fun but the company was better. 

 

This is because we had just seen a really really really rare bird and it was a lifer for all three of us!!

Okay really it's just because we are silly and were having fun. 

 Also on this birding trip we decided that we had to go see Big Year together.  It was totally awesome to watch it with other fellow birders.  I highly recommend it,  One side note (actually make that two), first the girls that makes the bird sounds is lame, and second no we are not that obsessive, and yes some people are. 

A Few Pictures From Omaha

 

Nebraska

Over Mia’s second birthday we decided to take a trip back to Nebraska. I loved Nebraska. Let me try and explain why.

When we starting looking at Law school both Kent and I wanted to go out of state. We would have stayed if we had the opportunity but I think we both wanted the law school, the adventure, and the culture of living outside of Utah. Right before moving to Nebraska was a CRAZY time. Within in days we packed up, moved, finalized our oldest adoption, blessed her, sealed her, quit my job which was crazy and stressful all on its own, found a place to live, and had a going away party. Through all of this, I never really had the time or the chance to sit down and process, emotionally, what moving meant.

I can still picture the exact spot on the road. We had been on the road for 2.5 day and were just entering the city of Omaha. Suddenly it hit me. We were not just going to Omaha we were IN Omaha. For the first time in my life I was moving away. I was going to be living in a city where I didn’t know ANYONE. And it was scary. I got that feeling in the pit of my stomach. You know the one that you get right before you get up to speak in public, or at the top of a roller coaster when you are just a little bit scared. My stomach was at my knees and full of butterflies. But then the next day we woke up and got to work: moving, unpacking, settling in, living life, making friends, and exploring. And a funny thing happened, like on the roller coaster I had fun, I enjoyed the ride.

I remember the first few months of being there I was a stay at home mom who didn’t really know anyone yet, with one baby to look after, and my husband was in school. So off Missa and I went. We explored and found places to visit and to see.

I met some amazing people there, who we will be friends with for the rest of our lives. I fell in love with the hills and trees of Omaha, and with the wide open spaces and the prairies of the Midwest. But mostly I fell in love with the people. But one of the things I miss the most about Nebraska was my life there, the simplicity of it and the chance to be a stay at home mom. There were good days and bad days of course.

Of course we will always have a deep connection to Omaha because that is where Mia’s birth family is from and live. They were a major motivation for our trip. So we rented a minivan and off we went 2000 miles round trip.

The girls did really well for being the car that long. The minivan helped (I’m choosing to leave out the drama of renting said minivan). We didn’t make any firm plans but ended up with dinner invites every night we were there, and even had to turn one down. I was hard to balance our time as we knew it would be. We had so many people we wanted to see, and things we wanted to do, and wanted some time to be together as a family. But all in all it was a good time.

Kent went back to the law school, I went back to Fontenelle Forest, we played in the pool, we ALL went to the ZOO (oh how I miss the zoo) and to the big slides. We spent the day of Mia’s birthday with her family. Oh it was so good to see them and we wish we had had more time with them. We were able to have to time with the Journeys and many, many others friends. And all too quickly it was time to come home.

Pictures Hopefully to Come.

Plant eating children are better than children eating plants.

I know that every parent feels a great sense of responsibility for their children.  We are burdened with the job of making sure they turn out okay.  But I sometime think that because my children are adopted, I feel an even greater sense of resposibility.  Because someone gave me the most precious gift one can imagine.  They entrusted ME to raise their kids, to give them something that they could not.  And its more than just love because I believe that their birth parents loved them very much and continue to love them to this day.  And sometime I wonder if because I think this way and feel this way if I'm harder on myself then I ought to be.   

I'm not perfect.  So I screw up sometimes and make mistakes.  And sometimes I lose my patience, and sometimes when I lose my patience I lose my temper.  And after I lose my temper I feel horrible.  So bad that sometimes it can send me into a downward spiral of guilt, and pushes me to the edge of depression.

That is when I need to remember the plant eating story.  The planting eating story was something I read randomly somewhere, I think it was a blog.  The women writting it had children that were birth and adopted.  She related a story about her first support metting with other adoptive parents and how they were all stressing about the strange habits that their kids had and worring if it was because they were adopted.  She they relates all the strange thing her children did (that were not adopted) including eating plants.  She just assumed (rightly so) that it was just strange things children did.  And as adoptive parents we need to relax and just remember that kids are kids and not to stress so much about them being adopted.  I showed it to Kent because I thought it was funny and it became a running joke with us.  "Oh that's cuz shes adopted"  No we don't do this much around the kids anymore now that they are old enough to understand us.  But sometimes its still funny.

So I need to remember that even though I'm an adoptive parent, I'm a parent first.  Which means I'm a parent that loses her patience with her kids, whose kids drive her crazy at times, who sometimes wonder if they are worth it after all, and constantly worries if she's doing the right thing.  And its just because kids are kids, and parents are parents and sometimes it seems the two are incompatible.   

A Journey with the Journeys

We were so excited to have Bryce Laura, and Luke come visit us for a few days.  The first day we did the down-town stuff.  Temple square, the Conference Center, ate lunch at the Lion House, and Let the kids play at the Church History museum.  It was a long exhausting day, but we saw a lot.  The next day we went up to Park City and played at the Olympic park, where we rode some zip lines, an alpine slide and I somehow convinced Bryce and Laura to ride the bob-sled with me.  I loved what Laura said about it "Nothing anyone can tell you will prepare you for riding down an Olympic bobsled track for the first time. Dang, that was crazy!".   It was quite the experience.  We went 71 mph and experienced 3-4 G forces.  I thought it was awesome.  But glad it didn't last much longer than it did.  The next day we went up to This is the Place park.  The kids got to ride ponies.  Which Mia couldn't wait to do, then got scared and wanted nothing to do with the horses, and then wanted to ride them some more.  Such is life sometimes.  We also saw my ancestors house.  That afternoon we were going to go to the Museum at Thanksgiving point but opted for an afternoon of games.  Which I'm glad we did.  It was so fun to see Bryce and Laura again and to get to know Luke.  It was fun to have our old game nights back.  I even won two games against Bryce.  That's saying something!  Oh and how could I forget we watched Birdemic.  The funniest bad movie I think I've ever seen.  It was fun to have them here and sad to see them go.  But I also know that we will be friends for a long time so it wasn't really good-bye.

Two Weddings

I had two nieces get married in two months.  Its hard to believe that they are married now.  Some of my earliest memories of Kent and I's courtship involve them, when they were just toddlers.  I specifically remember Sonnett singing I like it I love it I want some more of it by Tim Magraw, when she was maybe 5.  I'm excited for them to begin their lives as a married couple.  I hope they enjoy all the ups and downs that come with marriage.

Sonnett got married in the Salt Lake Temple.  The ceremony was beautiful.  My mother-in-law made matching dresses for all the cousins.  When she had extra material she made some extra dresses for the temple/play in.  Here are a few of my favorite pictures.

Collectively these girls are ages, 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1.  If someone would have told that would happen 5 years ago I would have never in a million years believed you. 

Shannon got married in the Manti temple.  I must admit that I grumbled and complained about them choosing the Manti temple because it was an inconvienance for me.  (I know I'm so selfish sometimes, like they would have picked the most important day of their lives around my connivances.  DUH).  Anyway I debated till the last minute whether or not to go down, I did and was so glad I did.  The temple was perfect for Shannon and BJ and completely fit their personalities and theme of the wedding which was cowboys and sunflowers.  Plus I've never been to the Manti temple.  Since its so old (even older than Salt Lake) yet not as busy as Salt Lake it retained a lot of the old pioneer feel to it.  I was noticing how it seemed like the restrooms where stuffed in a corner, and were really tight and small.  Maybe that is because back when the temple was built there wasn't in-door-plumbing.  The layout was all werid compared to most temples.  It was really fun to be there, almost like taking a step back in time.

Again Grandma made matching dresses.  I LOVE dressing the girls alike.  (She also made some Easter dresses for my girls that makes 4 home-made dresses in two months THANK YOU GRANDMA we are really blessed).

When did these kids grow up?

Stay there...

Just stay there for one second....

At last the bribery works. 

Melissa and Alyssa

This is a great wedding it has toys!

***Warning Warning Warning I will now wax philosophical and slightly religious (maybe more than slightly):  All of this marring going on starting me thinking about; well marriage.  More specifically I've been thinking a lot about the sealing covenant.  The sealing covenant is the sacred ordinance that binds families together, it is the ordinance that we often refer to as "temple marriage".  I have a special place in my heart for the power of the sealing covenant.  As I witnessed these two beautiful girls be sealed to their husbands, the thought occurred to me that if you were to take all that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is, and focus it down to one moment, like focusing a beam of light into a Lazar, it would the sealing of families.  If you were to try and compress all that the church works towards, is all about, is the reason behind everything we do and are, I think this would be it.  It is pure power.  I have felt it numerous times.  And yet this fact has far reaching consequences not all of which positive.  For example those that live in the Church and do not marry, or those like me that marry but struggle to conceive, or those that live in the church but are divorced, or the churches stand on social issues like gay marriage.  I'm not really sure what my point is in all of this.  Maybe it is to simple say that for me at least the sealing of families one to another for all of eternity, (as annoyingly cliché as the term families are forever has become), it is capstone of our religion.  It is the crowing principal and purpose for the church as a whole. I am so thankful for it in my life and the lives of my family.  And I'm thankful to have had the opportunity to be reminded of that and to be apart of it.  ***End philosophical religious rambling.

My House

So You Want to Buy a House...


Thanks to Uncle Sam, a lot of adoption expenses, a change in tax laws, and a good accountant that knew or could figure out everything much easier and with a lot less screaming and pulling of hair than I could, Kent and I ended up with a VERY large tax return. Large enough that it was like try to answer if you won amount x on a game show or a lottery what would you do with it. (okay maybe not that much but it was a good amount). With a huge student loan debt, two dying cars, and a desire to buy a house what would you have done? Well we put some if it toward our student loan (the private loan that wont get paid off if Kent stays with his public interest job for 10 years). And then we decided to put the rest into a down payment on a home.

So began the process of buying a home. At first I was so excited I was giddy. Then we actually started looking at homes, and I went from frustrated to confused and back to frustrated. I we didn't even look that long. There was so much more to think about. What about the schools, are they good, how do you really know. Could we get them into a school outside the boundaries, what about charter schools. Is it a good neighborhood, and mostly how much could we really afford? Every spare moment we had was used to search and search the internet for houses, or to drive through neighborhoods. And then one day I'm talking with our realtor (who is awesome) we go to see a house that night and the next thing I know we are under contract. The excitement is still there but so is a lot of anxiety and a lot of work.

We closed on Thursday morning.  Monday we began scrubbing walls. 

My M&Ms: The Princess Instict is Strong

Big M loves clothes.  She was picking out her clothes and trying to dress herself by the time she was 18 mo old.  Little M (although I can't really call her that anymore since she's not so little anymore) would rather run around buck naked.  Getting her dressed in the morning is always a battle.  I'll give her the choice between two shirts and she'll look at me, look at the clothes, throw them on the floor and take off running down the hallway, and if not caught and forced dressed in a timely manner will shimmy out of her diaper, thus accomplishing the task of complete nakedness.  So I was a little surprised this morning when I put this dress on her...

And she refused to take it off.  Then she started prancing around the house patty her pretty dress.  

The princess instinct runs strong.

Little M

They say kids grow up over night, but sometimes I swear its true.  In the last week Mia has learned to say and the meaning of:

• Cake
• Root Beer
• Elmo
• Einsteins (a tv show)

April is Infertility Month

I wanted to write something about April being  Infertility Awareness month.  To say that dealing with infertility is a tough thing is like say the ocean is big. I a stumbled on  this blog and this one and thought they were way better than anything I could ever say.  But I'll share with you a story.  I hesitate a little in the telling I think because it's kind of personal, but also because I don't believe the story is at an end yet, and I hate to tell a half written story, but nonetheless here it is. 

We had recently moved.  Dutifully the Relief Society president came over to introduce herself and get to know me.  She asked how long we had been married (a pretty standard question in a get to know you section).  When I told her, her response surprised me.  She proceeded to tell me that her first son was adopted and how long they waited and hoped to be parents, and how wonderful it was to have her son through adoption (he was 19 at the time).  Well at that I basically broke down and bawled.  Something I never do especially in front of people I just barely met.  And I told her that we were thinking about starting the adoption process.  She told me several time that I could call her anytime to cry on her shoulder.  That comment alone let me know that she understood what I was going through.  From then on she was so sweet to me.  It wasn't anything really big.  She was never over bearing, or pushing.  But would on occasion quietly ask how things were going.  I remember her asking me after we were on the 'pick us list' how long we had been waiting.  It had been about a year.  She got so excited because we were a whole year closer to becoming parents.  I was feeling depressed about having waited a whole year, with nothing to show for it, but her enthusiasm gave me a new perspective.  

She was one of the first people I called when we were placed, and the first one to bring us dinner.  As she sat in my living room holding our new born baby I told her how grateful I had been for having known her.  And I will never forget what she said next.  She looked me right in the eye and told me, now YOU can be a support to someone else, and you can be there for them.  Her comment has always stayed with me.  Maybe because her kindness and quiet manner was just what I needed at the time.  Maybe there is something so important about seeing a light at the end of a dark tunnel.  To have the perspective of someone who has been there, done that, and lived to tell the tell. 

But I feel a great responsibility from her admonition.  I have been amazed at the people who have come into my life that I have been able to talk with about infertility and adoption.  From total strangers, to close friends, to family.  Her words have become a prophesy being fulfilled.  I have tried to live up to her words and to be there for them the way she was for me.  But I worry that maybe I could have or should have done more, or maybe I have done too much.  

I will always be gratefully for that wonderfully lady, and I pray that I will be able to pass on the love and encouragement I felt from her to others.  That I, like she, will be a comforting ear to bend and shoulder to cry on, to anyone faced with the challenge of infertility.  

Awesome Weekend

Last Weekend:
It started on Friday with a day at the Zoo.  The weather was gorgeous.  We talked Grandma Kathy into coming with us.  It was fun to have her along and a lot easier for me with an extra set of eyes and hands.  The kids had a good time and it was fun but I miss the Zoo in Omaha. 

Saturday we went recreating with my Family.  My sister and her family came down from Wyoming, and we all went ATVing out on the West Desert.  It was fun to ride the ATVs and we did some Geo-caching.  This is where people hide stuff and other people look up where they hide it and using a GPS and a compass go and find it.  Some of them have little trinkets in them.  If you leave something then you can take something.  Well the 4 yr olds LOVED this idea.  Real life treasure hunting.  They had a blast.  And the babies were pretty good too.  Afterward before the storm hit, we did some target practice.  We all had a great time. 

After we got home and had some dinner my sister invited us over to the hotel they were staying at to go swimming.  It was crowded but we had a good time anyway.  And I let Melissa stay up way too late.  A mistake we paid for on Sunday afternoon.  But she was so cute in the pool. 

Sunday we played in the snow, and as everyone else in Utah marveled at the weather whip-lash from Friday when it was 70.  (You would think we would get use to it).  Then we tried not to fall asleep during conference (which I failed at) and then it was the day of the Dominion Championship tournament.  In other words we played Dominion all day. 

Monday I my sister and I went sking.  I really wanted to go one last time this season.  And since Big Cottonwood was closed we headed to Alta.  I haven't skied there in well over a decade.  It was a perfect day sking.  We loved it.  I even got a little sunburned. 

And then I went to work for 10 hours.  Okay well I attempted to go to work for 10 hours, but I was really tired.  I managed to stay for 8 but not sure I accomplished that much.  Yes I think I did go to work to recover from the weekend. 

A Post

Its late or early depending on your perspective, (1am ish) and I'm really tired and should go to bed, but for some very unknown reason I felt like making a post, so here it is.  Please remember that I am tired and it is early and well content maybe be well rather incoherent.  But what the heck.  Okay so now what should I post? 

• I find it amusing that I just finished reading a vampire book, am currently reading a sappy love story, while listening a book on my ipod which is a memoir by Condalise Rice, oh yes and the next book will be a historical book, followed by a murder mystry and than more vampires.  
• If you don't know my shift changed which is why I'm still awake
• sometime I wonder if its worth it, when I wonder this I usually take the kids to the park and then I remember why I WANTed to do this crazy shift

Well that's about all I can think about to write.  I'll leave you with this thought provoking question.  If you were getting a very large chuck of cash from the federal government, and had so many things you could do with it what would you do with it? 
A. pay down some dept (its a very large dept and would make a very some difference in the long run).
B. buy a new car or two (both of our cars are very old and really need replacing)
C. save it for a house (I really want to buy a house one day)
D. save it for raining day (we've used up all of our once impressive savings), or for another adoption/kid (no I'm thinking about that right now but maybe someday)
E. save it for a nice vacation (ie disneyworld in a few years when the kids are older, or a nice cruise for mom and dad)

Happy Adoption Day Melissa

Dear Melissa,

Four years ago today I held you in my arms for the first time.  I will never forget that day, the anxiety, the adrenaline, the joy, and the tears.  Words can not accurately describe the emotions of that day.  I am still amazed by the fact that it has been 4 years.  You continue to amaze me everyday. Here are a few things I want to remember about you the year you turned 4.  You definitely have your fathers sense of humor, and you make me laugh all the time, even though sometime you get embarrassed when I think your funny.  You are growing up everyday.  I year a go you were a new big sister and I loved to watch to make your baby laugh and smile.  It surprises me how much you have grown up and changed in the last year.  You speak so clearly now.  Gone are all the cute baby words you use to say.  This year you started pre-school and while it was my idea to begin with I was surprised by how hesitate I was.  I know you love to learn and you are so good at it.  But I wanted to keep you close.  I no longer have total control over what happens in your day and the thought is thrilling and frightening at the same time.  You also had your first dance recital this year.  You were so CUTE!  I was so excited to see your first time dancing on stage.   I loved every minute of it.  I look forward to many more.  I look forward to helping you figuring out what you are really interested in, and what your talents are.    The way you play is growing and changing too.  You love to color, and read books, and play with your new doll house.  I can't begin to imagine all the things you will learn to do next year.  I love you sweetie.

Mom

Things I've been meaning to write about...

In my head I have written beautiful posts about:

• The Annual Christmas Tree Hunt
• Melissa first Dance Recital
• The Dolls I made for Christmas
• The Kids visiting Santa Claus
• Christmas in General: including the much missed Christmas Breakfast, and Festival of Trees
• My super awesome cute kids
• Family Pictures
• Skiing for the first time in many years, With ALL of my siblings and siblings spouses

Instead here are some random pictures.  Can you guess which topic they go to?  It shouldn't be that hard.