Little M

They say kids grow up over night, but sometimes I swear its true.  In the last week Mia has learned to say and the meaning of:

• Cake
• Root Beer
• Elmo
• Einsteins (a tv show)

April is Infertility Month

I wanted to write something about April being  Infertility Awareness month.  To say that dealing with infertility is a tough thing is like say the ocean is big. I a stumbled on  this blog and this one and thought they were way better than anything I could ever say.  But I'll share with you a story.  I hesitate a little in the telling I think because it's kind of personal, but also because I don't believe the story is at an end yet, and I hate to tell a half written story, but nonetheless here it is. 

We had recently moved.  Dutifully the Relief Society president came over to introduce herself and get to know me.  She asked how long we had been married (a pretty standard question in a get to know you section).  When I told her, her response surprised me.  She proceeded to tell me that her first son was adopted and how long they waited and hoped to be parents, and how wonderful it was to have her son through adoption (he was 19 at the time).  Well at that I basically broke down and bawled.  Something I never do especially in front of people I just barely met.  And I told her that we were thinking about starting the adoption process.  She told me several time that I could call her anytime to cry on her shoulder.  That comment alone let me know that she understood what I was going through.  From then on she was so sweet to me.  It wasn't anything really big.  She was never over bearing, or pushing.  But would on occasion quietly ask how things were going.  I remember her asking me after we were on the 'pick us list' how long we had been waiting.  It had been about a year.  She got so excited because we were a whole year closer to becoming parents.  I was feeling depressed about having waited a whole year, with nothing to show for it, but her enthusiasm gave me a new perspective.  

She was one of the first people I called when we were placed, and the first one to bring us dinner.  As she sat in my living room holding our new born baby I told her how grateful I had been for having known her.  And I will never forget what she said next.  She looked me right in the eye and told me, now YOU can be a support to someone else, and you can be there for them.  Her comment has always stayed with me.  Maybe because her kindness and quiet manner was just what I needed at the time.  Maybe there is something so important about seeing a light at the end of a dark tunnel.  To have the perspective of someone who has been there, done that, and lived to tell the tell. 

But I feel a great responsibility from her admonition.  I have been amazed at the people who have come into my life that I have been able to talk with about infertility and adoption.  From total strangers, to close friends, to family.  Her words have become a prophesy being fulfilled.  I have tried to live up to her words and to be there for them the way she was for me.  But I worry that maybe I could have or should have done more, or maybe I have done too much.  

I will always be gratefully for that wonderfully lady, and I pray that I will be able to pass on the love and encouragement I felt from her to others.  That I, like she, will be a comforting ear to bend and shoulder to cry on, to anyone faced with the challenge of infertility.  

Awesome Weekend

Last Weekend:
It started on Friday with a day at the Zoo.  The weather was gorgeous.  We talked Grandma Kathy into coming with us.  It was fun to have her along and a lot easier for me with an extra set of eyes and hands.  The kids had a good time and it was fun but I miss the Zoo in Omaha. 

Saturday we went recreating with my Family.  My sister and her family came down from Wyoming, and we all went ATVing out on the West Desert.  It was fun to ride the ATVs and we did some Geo-caching.  This is where people hide stuff and other people look up where they hide it and using a GPS and a compass go and find it.  Some of them have little trinkets in them.  If you leave something then you can take something.  Well the 4 yr olds LOVED this idea.  Real life treasure hunting.  They had a blast.  And the babies were pretty good too.  Afterward before the storm hit, we did some target practice.  We all had a great time. 

After we got home and had some dinner my sister invited us over to the hotel they were staying at to go swimming.  It was crowded but we had a good time anyway.  And I let Melissa stay up way too late.  A mistake we paid for on Sunday afternoon.  But she was so cute in the pool. 

Sunday we played in the snow, and as everyone else in Utah marveled at the weather whip-lash from Friday when it was 70.  (You would think we would get use to it).  Then we tried not to fall asleep during conference (which I failed at) and then it was the day of the Dominion Championship tournament.  In other words we played Dominion all day. 

Monday I my sister and I went sking.  I really wanted to go one last time this season.  And since Big Cottonwood was closed we headed to Alta.  I haven't skied there in well over a decade.  It was a perfect day sking.  We loved it.  I even got a little sunburned. 

And then I went to work for 10 hours.  Okay well I attempted to go to work for 10 hours, but I was really tired.  I managed to stay for 8 but not sure I accomplished that much.  Yes I think I did go to work to recover from the weekend. 

A Post

Its late or early depending on your perspective, (1am ish) and I'm really tired and should go to bed, but for some very unknown reason I felt like making a post, so here it is.  Please remember that I am tired and it is early and well content maybe be well rather incoherent.  But what the heck.  Okay so now what should I post? 

• I find it amusing that I just finished reading a vampire book, am currently reading a sappy love story, while listening a book on my ipod which is a memoir by Condalise Rice, oh yes and the next book will be a historical book, followed by a murder mystry and than more vampires.  
• If you don't know my shift changed which is why I'm still awake
• sometime I wonder if its worth it, when I wonder this I usually take the kids to the park and then I remember why I WANTed to do this crazy shift

Well that's about all I can think about to write.  I'll leave you with this thought provoking question.  If you were getting a very large chuck of cash from the federal government, and had so many things you could do with it what would you do with it? 
A. pay down some dept (its a very large dept and would make a very some difference in the long run).
B. buy a new car or two (both of our cars are very old and really need replacing)
C. save it for a house (I really want to buy a house one day)
D. save it for raining day (we've used up all of our once impressive savings), or for another adoption/kid (no I'm thinking about that right now but maybe someday)
E. save it for a nice vacation (ie disneyworld in a few years when the kids are older, or a nice cruise for mom and dad)

Happy Adoption Day Melissa

Dear Melissa,

Four years ago today I held you in my arms for the first time.  I will never forget that day, the anxiety, the adrenaline, the joy, and the tears.  Words can not accurately describe the emotions of that day.  I am still amazed by the fact that it has been 4 years.  You continue to amaze me everyday. Here are a few things I want to remember about you the year you turned 4.  You definitely have your fathers sense of humor, and you make me laugh all the time, even though sometime you get embarrassed when I think your funny.  You are growing up everyday.  I year a go you were a new big sister and I loved to watch to make your baby laugh and smile.  It surprises me how much you have grown up and changed in the last year.  You speak so clearly now.  Gone are all the cute baby words you use to say.  This year you started pre-school and while it was my idea to begin with I was surprised by how hesitate I was.  I know you love to learn and you are so good at it.  But I wanted to keep you close.  I no longer have total control over what happens in your day and the thought is thrilling and frightening at the same time.  You also had your first dance recital this year.  You were so CUTE!  I was so excited to see your first time dancing on stage.   I loved every minute of it.  I look forward to many more.  I look forward to helping you figuring out what you are really interested in, and what your talents are.    The way you play is growing and changing too.  You love to color, and read books, and play with your new doll house.  I can't begin to imagine all the things you will learn to do next year.  I love you sweetie.

Mom

Things I've been meaning to write about...

In my head I have written beautiful posts about:

• The Annual Christmas Tree Hunt
• Melissa first Dance Recital
• The Dolls I made for Christmas
• The Kids visiting Santa Claus
• Christmas in General: including the much missed Christmas Breakfast, and Festival of Trees
• My super awesome cute kids
• Family Pictures
• Skiing for the first time in many years, With ALL of my siblings and siblings spouses

Instead here are some random pictures.  Can you guess which topic they go to?  It shouldn't be that hard. 

 

Happy New Year: An End to the Blogging Silence

A Story Remembered:

Years ago Kent and I spent a summer in Alaska.  For our anniversary we went to Glacier Bay someplace I have always wanted to see.  We got out on the first flight and so got there long before we could check in to our hotel.  So we stowed our bags, and walked down the street and went for a 'hike'.  We didn't have any water or food, but it was a short walk, through a beautiful shade forest, that ended along the banks of a river.  We sat for a few minutes and then I asked if Kent was hungry, do you want to go back now?  He replied no.  So we sat for a few more minutes and then I asked again.  He's answer remained the same.  After the third time I finally listened.  I stopped.  I stopped fretting about when we need to eat, go back, get water, etc. and simply enjoyed myself.  Its one of my favorite memories of that summer.  Nothing all that exciting happened but it was the simply joy of the moments that I remember.  We watched birds together and listen to Bald Eagles call to each other and land in trees directly over our heads.  Sometimes when I hike (my husband would say always), I often get obsessed with getting to 'the end'.  But I learned that day that sometimes the journey doesn't end when the trail does, sometime that is when the journey begins. 

A Story Untold:

Last year I wrote a kind of New Year's resolution/story.  A story of 2010.  I thought that if I wrote a New Years post I would have to review what 2010 was and was not.  As with all years of our lives 2010 was filled with many up and downs.  Some wonderful things and some not so wonderful things.  But I don't want to look back I want to look forward.  And while I WANT to loose weight (as everyone does this time of year), and read more, and watch less TV, and move out of my parents basement, my goal this year is to remember the story of the river.  To stop always worrying about what we are going to do next or what we need to do next, what to do for dinner, and when to put the kids to bed.  To enjoy the small moments as they happen.  I heard someone explain it as being present, with your whole self.

Funny as I write this I think I wrote something similar last year.  I guess some lessons take more time to master than others. Here's to a new year, with all the ups and downs and changes that it will inevitably bring.  I hope that it is a Happy one, one to remember not just for me but for all of you as well.