For the first few days it all seemed more like a dream nothing seemed real. But it has started to sink in. And we are as much as you can (which isn't much) getting into a routine. Its differently different with two and a whole lot busier. I can hardly keep the bottles washed, the clothes clean, and myself awake. But such is the life of a new mom.
The whole week after I was dying to know how Angel was doing, but wasn't sure if I should call. Finally after talking to another adoptive mom I called. And I was glad I did. She was fine. She told me her sister told her, she was our surrogate, and Angel agreed with her. It really has been how she has view this whole journey. 'I just carried her for you but she is your baby.' She made us pick out the name. I say made because it wasn't an easy process. What an incredible attitude. I am still in awe, of the strength of this young woman.
This experience has been so different in every aspect then our experience with Melissa. It has been so sweet. It was really fun to know Angel during her pregnancy and of course being there for the birth. I often would joke that we know how to handle drama but we didn't know how to handle the lack of drama. It was amazing to see how peaceful and uneventful the whole process was. I believe that it was due to a lot of prayers in our behave and in behave of Angel. Thank you for the prayers.
On Saturday we were able to be on a panel, with Angel, for an adoption conference where they were training the saints that work with birth parents. It was really fun to be able to share our story.
Mia is a sweet baby and is really good. Melissa loves being a big sister. I love to hear when Melissa begs to talk on the phone and the first thing she says is 'I have a baby sister. Her Mia.'
Well I guess that's the whole story; the beginning, the middle and the start of the never ending story which we call parenting.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
Mia part 0.5
The Beginning
We have know Angel since we moved to Omaha. She attends the same ward that we do. She was already a friend before she became our birth mother.
Some of you know or remember (others may not), but in December of last year we tried to adopt Melissa's half siblings. It didn't work out and it was very very hard for me. You sometimes forget how difficult a failed adoption can be. We decided that since we had already done the hard part, and paid the application fee we would finish up our profile and get back on the "pick us" list. It took us a few weeks but we got our profile on line. It was weird but I felt very strongly that there was someone in Nebraska that we were going to adopt. It wasn't very many weeks after we got our profile done that Angel approached us about adopting her baby.
If the adoptions last year hadn't fallen through then I don't think we could have been in a position to accept Mia. And if we hadn't been trying to adopt again I wonder if Angel would have placed her baby for adoption. And I don't think that if we hadn't been here in this ward, and been so open about Melissa being adopted that she would have even considered it. The Lord was watching over us. Even when we things didn't go our way, He knew His way was better. I'm thankful that sometime He lets get a glimpse of the bigger picture. The glimpse that give us reason for some of the hard things we weather. Its plain to us that Mia was meant for our family and was meant to come to us through adoption.
But I digress. When Angel first asked us if we would be willing to adopt her baby, we were both cautiously optimistic. But being on the heels of the failed adoptions we were skittish about being hurt again. And it was really different knowing so early in her pregnancy. A new experience in our adoption world, and we weren't really sure how to handle it.
Here are a few thoughts I wrote on Sep 1 about the situation.
Sep 1
Its finally September. My mom was out two weeks ago and we did a lot of stuff to get ready for a baby. But now I'm driving my self crazy cuz now its just waiting. If I ever do get pregnant I think I would go crazy. I know how to wait to get picked but I don't know how to wait for someone to go into labor. A is so great and we just love her so much. I know this is going to be so hard on her and I hope that it brings some positive changes for her. She continues to be positive and she talks about how Melissa is going to handle things when the baby gets here and to bug us about names. Speaking of names after much heated debated nothing has been decided.
But I think both Kent and I are still leery. I think its because we have had so many tough experiences that we are afraid of getting hurt again. Its easier this time being close to our birth mom but every time the phone rings and its A part of us expects the worst. (Not that we don't trust A but there are lots of other elements that are out of her control and ours, and they have burned us before). When we first found out about A being pregnant and she approached us about adopting her, it was a wait and see game. But then as A grew more confident I had a hard time accepting it. I knew I was holding my self back to protect myself from getting hurt. I really struggled with it. I finally turned it over to the Lord and have been at peace since then. I think that's the hardest thing and one of the best things about adoption is you don't have control and you really have to learn to trust. Trust the birth mom, trust the Lord and trust that if the worst does happen you can survive. Either way I wish it were October.
As it was I didn't have to wait till October after all. And it was fun to be able to pick our a car seat and a new stroller. Angel even helped me pick stuff out.
We have know Angel since we moved to Omaha. She attends the same ward that we do. She was already a friend before she became our birth mother.
Some of you know or remember (others may not), but in December of last year we tried to adopt Melissa's half siblings. It didn't work out and it was very very hard for me. You sometimes forget how difficult a failed adoption can be. We decided that since we had already done the hard part, and paid the application fee we would finish up our profile and get back on the "pick us" list. It took us a few weeks but we got our profile on line. It was weird but I felt very strongly that there was someone in Nebraska that we were going to adopt. It wasn't very many weeks after we got our profile done that Angel approached us about adopting her baby.
If the adoptions last year hadn't fallen through then I don't think we could have been in a position to accept Mia. And if we hadn't been trying to adopt again I wonder if Angel would have placed her baby for adoption. And I don't think that if we hadn't been here in this ward, and been so open about Melissa being adopted that she would have even considered it. The Lord was watching over us. Even when we things didn't go our way, He knew His way was better. I'm thankful that sometime He lets get a glimpse of the bigger picture. The glimpse that give us reason for some of the hard things we weather. Its plain to us that Mia was meant for our family and was meant to come to us through adoption.
But I digress. When Angel first asked us if we would be willing to adopt her baby, we were both cautiously optimistic. But being on the heels of the failed adoptions we were skittish about being hurt again. And it was really different knowing so early in her pregnancy. A new experience in our adoption world, and we weren't really sure how to handle it.
Here are a few thoughts I wrote on Sep 1 about the situation.
Sep 1
Its finally September. My mom was out two weeks ago and we did a lot of stuff to get ready for a baby. But now I'm driving my self crazy cuz now its just waiting. If I ever do get pregnant I think I would go crazy. I know how to wait to get picked but I don't know how to wait for someone to go into labor. A is so great and we just love her so much. I know this is going to be so hard on her and I hope that it brings some positive changes for her. She continues to be positive and she talks about how Melissa is going to handle things when the baby gets here and to bug us about names. Speaking of names after much heated debated nothing has been decided.
But I think both Kent and I are still leery. I think its because we have had so many tough experiences that we are afraid of getting hurt again. Its easier this time being close to our birth mom but every time the phone rings and its A part of us expects the worst. (Not that we don't trust A but there are lots of other elements that are out of her control and ours, and they have burned us before). When we first found out about A being pregnant and she approached us about adopting her, it was a wait and see game. But then as A grew more confident I had a hard time accepting it. I knew I was holding my self back to protect myself from getting hurt. I really struggled with it. I finally turned it over to the Lord and have been at peace since then. I think that's the hardest thing and one of the best things about adoption is you don't have control and you really have to learn to trust. Trust the birth mom, trust the Lord and trust that if the worst does happen you can survive. Either way I wish it were October.
As it was I didn't have to wait till October after all. And it was fun to be able to pick our a car seat and a new stroller. Angel even helped me pick stuff out.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Mia Part 2
By the time I got to bed on Tues I had been up for 21 hours, so I was a little tired. I stayed at the hospital until A got settled into her post-pardum room which was about 7:30. Then I got home had fast food dinner thanks to Kent. Melissa hadn't seen me all day, and we had a LOT of people that we needed/wanted to call. Most of Kents family didn't know this was in the works and Kent had a lot of fun breaking the news. I was up till 11 making phone calls.
The next day we took Melissa to the hospital and I got to get Mia from the nursery. I had the special bracelet. At first Melissa just looked at the baby and wouldn't touch her, but she was still pretty cute with her.
I was torn the whole day about what to do. Should I stay and take care of the baby? Should I back off and let A have some time with the baby? Should I drop Melissa off at a friends house again? I was constantly second guessing myself. As it was we stayed for a little while in the morning with Melissa, then Kent went to school, Melissa and I ran errands, and napped, and then I went back in the evening. My mom also flew in the night. Poor Melissa was dragged around quit a bit that day, but lucky for me kids are pretty flexible.
Thursday was the day for leaving the hospital and for signing relinquishment papers. By law you had to wait 48 hours after birth, which meant 4:14pm most of the time you leave the hospital around 1 but they were kind enough to let us stay until 4:00ish. Kent and I went to the new baby class the hospital offers in the morning. It was very awkward being the only non post-pardum women in the room. Then we hung out at the hospital waiting. You would have thought it would go by slow but on the contrary time flew by. Poor Kent had a long day, he skipped his first class, but then had a meeting he had to go to and a night class that he had to prepare for. So he spent a lot of time in a corner of the hospital trying to prepare arguments for his trail practice class.
Around four we all headed to the lawyers office, since the hospital doesn't allow relinquishment on their grounds. I wont lie relinquishment was hard. The legal language is very plain, and very clear, and it can be hard to hear. Overall Angel made it through surprisingly well. So did Grandma J.
Side note: I don't think I haven't mentioned Grandma J yet. Grandma J as we call her, is Angels mother. She has been SO incredible this whole journey. When Angel was pregnant Grandma J would reefer to the baby as Beth's Baby, and later as BB. She has been so supportive and so wonderful. She crochet us a baby blanket for Mia. Relinquishment was really hard on her as well. We just love her dearly as well. She is a wonderful lady.
Adoption is wrought with duel feelings. On the one hand you have been blessed with a baby. No time can be more happy and more exciting. But on the other you realize the sacrifice that another is making for you and your heart breaks for them, and tears come to your eyes. I'm not sure that anyone can truly comprehend unless you have experienced it.
And then we headed home. It was really happening. I was grateful to have my mom in town to watch Melissa since we were both gone from 9am-6pm. Poor Kent had to run to his class, but we had two dinners waiting for us. One from our ward family and one from my mom. (We ate mom's soup for lunch the rest of the week) Melissa was so cute as I walked in the door with Mia. "Awwww she so cute". My thoughts exactly.
The next day we took Melissa to the hospital and I got to get Mia from the nursery. I had the special bracelet. At first Melissa just looked at the baby and wouldn't touch her, but she was still pretty cute with her.
I was torn the whole day about what to do. Should I stay and take care of the baby? Should I back off and let A have some time with the baby? Should I drop Melissa off at a friends house again? I was constantly second guessing myself. As it was we stayed for a little while in the morning with Melissa, then Kent went to school, Melissa and I ran errands, and napped, and then I went back in the evening. My mom also flew in the night. Poor Melissa was dragged around quit a bit that day, but lucky for me kids are pretty flexible.
Thursday was the day for leaving the hospital and for signing relinquishment papers. By law you had to wait 48 hours after birth, which meant 4:14pm most of the time you leave the hospital around 1 but they were kind enough to let us stay until 4:00ish. Kent and I went to the new baby class the hospital offers in the morning. It was very awkward being the only non post-pardum women in the room. Then we hung out at the hospital waiting. You would have thought it would go by slow but on the contrary time flew by. Poor Kent had a long day, he skipped his first class, but then had a meeting he had to go to and a night class that he had to prepare for. So he spent a lot of time in a corner of the hospital trying to prepare arguments for his trail practice class.
Around four we all headed to the lawyers office, since the hospital doesn't allow relinquishment on their grounds. I wont lie relinquishment was hard. The legal language is very plain, and very clear, and it can be hard to hear. Overall Angel made it through surprisingly well. So did Grandma J.
Side note: I don't think I haven't mentioned Grandma J yet. Grandma J as we call her, is Angels mother. She has been SO incredible this whole journey. When Angel was pregnant Grandma J would reefer to the baby as Beth's Baby, and later as BB. She has been so supportive and so wonderful. She crochet us a baby blanket for Mia. Relinquishment was really hard on her as well. We just love her dearly as well. She is a wonderful lady.
Adoption is wrought with duel feelings. On the one hand you have been blessed with a baby. No time can be more happy and more exciting. But on the other you realize the sacrifice that another is making for you and your heart breaks for them, and tears come to your eyes. I'm not sure that anyone can truly comprehend unless you have experienced it.
And then we headed home. It was really happening. I was grateful to have my mom in town to watch Melissa since we were both gone from 9am-6pm. Poor Kent had to run to his class, but we had two dinners waiting for us. One from our ward family and one from my mom. (We ate mom's soup for lunch the rest of the week) Melissa was so cute as I walked in the door with Mia. "Awwww she so cute". My thoughts exactly.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Mia Part 1
Where do I begin? The beginning, the end? I think I'll start in the middle.
What a miracle adoption is. Few people in the world can comprehend the magnitude of such an act. The power of love. It fills my heart. I can not begin to describe the tender feelings I have for such a thing. That a person would love enough and care enough to give a part of themselves so that I could be a parent and share in their love. My heart aches for birth parents around the world. They are true heroes, and our angels on earth. To protect her privacy I will henceforth refer to Mia's incredible birth mom as Angel. And let me again pause here to say how incredible she is, how awesome and how much we love and will forever love this wonderful young woman.
Angel's water broke at 2:00 am. She got to the hospital and called us at 3:30 am. This was two weeks before her due date. I was sure that we had at least another week, so we weren't really expecting a middle of the night phone call. Consequentially it took two tries to roust us out of bed. I immediately went to the hospital and Kent continued not to sleep.
Angel was very anxious about getting an epidural, she had some back problems and was concerned about it. But around 10am she relented. After that she was much more comfortable. Modern technology is a wonderful thing. Then it was really a matter of waiting. We started to make bets on we the baby would arrive. I guessed 3:30, someone else guess 2:30. Then we asked the nurse and she said 7:00. We groaned. Luckily she was wrong.
Around 3:00pm Angel was complaining about pressure, the nurse checked her and she was fully dilated. It was time to go. The nurse got things ready and had her push a few times, then made her stop to wait for the doctor. That was the most uncomfortable part for Angel of the whole thing. Finally the doctor got there and 15 min later, at 4:14 pm she was born. She weighed 6lbs 7oz and was 19 inches long. I cut the cord. She had tons of dark dark hair. They cleaner her off and weighed her and did some assessments. I quickly called Kent so he could hear her first cries. Then they wrapped her and I got to hold her.
Meanwhile they continued to work on Angel. I was amazed at how easy it was for Angel, not that giving birth is easy, but from what I’ve heard for a first time mom she was incredible. The doctor said she torn just a little and put one little stitch in. The doctor said “it’s a waste of suture”. Once things settled down I called Kent and he came over to the hospital. He said between those two calls was one of the longest hours he has ever lived. I was outside making phone calls when he got there, (since I had NO cell phone coverage inside the hospital), and he literally dragged me inside. After Kent got to the hospital we finally settled officially on a name, Mia Krynn. And then Kent got to give Mia her first bath.
Being there for the birth was a thrilling experience. I didn’t really think it was gross or embarrassing or weird at all. I know it sounds cliché but it seemed to me to be the most natural and beautiful thing in the world. How lucky I am, I am truly blessed to have had such a wonderful experience. I’m so gratefully that Angel was willing to share that time with me, and I will treasure it.
This whole experience has been and continues to be so different from our previous experiences with adoption and with Melissa that we are almost at a lost as to how to act and what to do. But more on that train of thought later.
Monday, September 14, 2009
A Fun Weekend
We went camping this weekend with a big group of friends. It turned out to be a lot of fun. We almost turned around and didn't go twice because of the weather. We did get rained on but not till after we went to bed and it stopped by morning, so I didn't mind. So far I think it might have been my favorite camping spot in NE.
The last time we went camping was horrible. In a nutshell, we sent Kent home to pick up a griddle that we had all along and he got stuck in traffic, we camped 5 feet from a rail road track that ran all night, it poured on us and we didn't put anything away so everything got wet, and after all the effort to find the griddle for breakfast we ended up going home for food because it was still a down pour. I guess the silver lining was Melissa and I had fun swimming in the lake. This weekend was much better and is was good to have a positive experience to possibly end the camping season on. Now if only I good get the wet tent dry and put away.
The last time we went camping was horrible. In a nutshell, we sent Kent home to pick up a griddle that we had all along and he got stuck in traffic, we camped 5 feet from a rail road track that ran all night, it poured on us and we didn't put anything away so everything got wet, and after all the effort to find the griddle for breakfast we ended up going home for food because it was still a down pour. I guess the silver lining was Melissa and I had fun swimming in the lake. This weekend was much better and is was good to have a positive experience to possibly end the camping season on. Now if only I good get the wet tent dry and put away.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Zoo Pictures
We love the Omaha Henry Dorley Zoo. Its awesome and world class. We have a membership and go all the time. More so in the spring, fall, and winter when the crowds are smaller. Since we go all the time usually only for an hour or two I almost never have a camera. When my mom came out to visit us a few weeks ago we took her to show of the zoo. Since we had a guest I took my camera along. We also spent a lot more time at the zoo than we would normally, and here are some of the pix.
Melissa pointing out a butterfly in the butterfly house.
Mom and Melissa walking across the rope bridge.
Jelly fish. Not a bad photo of them.
Mom, Kent and Melissa in the shark tunnel. One of Melissa favorites.
The polar bear out swimming.
Melissa pointing out a butterfly in the butterfly house.
Mom and Melissa walking across the rope bridge.
Jelly fish. Not a bad photo of them.
Mom, Kent and Melissa in the shark tunnel. One of Melissa favorites.
The polar bear out swimming.
One of my favorite exhibits that I discovered lately is the bungee exhibit where you can feed the birds. I love this shot with mom in the background that the look on Melissa face.
We loved having Mom out for a visit, wish it was longer. It was fun to be the visitees instead of the the visitors.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Of Being 30
Thirty is Old. No I'm not having a mid-life crisis. I'm happy with where my life is at, where I've been, and where I'm going. But my body somehow thinks its getting old. I'm really sick of all of my shirts fitting me like I'm about to bust a button at any moment. My dresses don't fit and lets not even talk about pants. When I bought a new swim suit this spring it was a very depressing experience. Of course I hardly ever buy new clothes and don't want to start now. So I can honestly say for the first time in my life I am TRYING to loose weight. And its as hard as they say. The hardest part is finding the time to exercise. But I've been doing really good. The scary part is I think it might be working its not as hard as it was to run around my block. So when do the clothes start fitting again??
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